My dilemma currently is how am i going to deliver my second baby. If i will go through C-Sec again on my 2nd baby, Gynae will encourage me to schedule C-Sec for all future births 😭😭😭
I delivered Sayf through C-Sec, where it was emergency due to fetal distress. Actually I have no idea how to read CTG, but what i remembered my CTG report wasn't look good during 3cm dilation (in each contraction, baby's heart beat dropped). At that time when the doctor said i need to go through C-Sec, i was so passive. In other word, berserah jelah. It might be i was very tired after 12hours induced and also my mind was thinking i can't wait to see my baby.
Now i feel a little bit dissapointed. There's a people around me said i might give birth naturally if i went to government hospital. Hmm.. I just want to ask them, what was happened is my choice or Allah's? I was not "menyerah diri" to go through C-Sec but during the situation, my mind keep telling me i rather do anything that will not make any harm for my baby. Trust me, this is what we call sacrifice of a mother. The scar will remain forever...
Me and my husband agreed when we married that we wanted several children at least. But the decision on how many children we have is up on Allah. Rezeki only comes from Allah right?
Im still continue my monthly check up with the same Gynae (Dr Norshida) and also same hospital (Hospital Columbia Asia, Cheras). For me, it's very convenient in terms of location, nurses, food and many things. I had googled to survey a few government hospital but i don't understand why it only went in half way.. I have no clue to answer it..
Im just hoping i will give birth naturally for the 2nd baby. That's all what i need.
Doa and doa and doa.. Never stop. I know Allah is always listen.